Great "Replay" Writing

W.A.L.T. I know I will be successful when I can…..

• Write a first person diary entry.

• Use a range of language features.
• Express ideas in correct paragraphs.
• Expand on ideas and use interesting sentence starters.

Hi guys!, this week 9, we have been doing a writing about "The little brother is eager to escape the confines of the bunker and when his sister brings home a tape recording of children playing he cannot resist anymore." I've been learning some interesting word like "Fragile", fragile means an object that easily broken or damage. Here's my writing down below and also there was link to the video.      

“Replay”

Warning!

You are gonna be reading my SAD STORY, you will gonna be need a tissue for your tears. Can I trust you?,Okay then, My name is Rony and this is my Diary, I’m also gonna tell what happened on 2076.

It was the 3rd of July, 2076, 2:00 of afternoon

Dear Diary,

Our town and our environment was already destroyed by the bad people, every house in our town are destroyed except, our house.  Our town was covered with sand and dirt

There is no trees and plants in our town and, even the animals are died by breathing the dirty air. Our town was so deadly BROKEN. We don’t have enough money to buy food, so my mum always go outside and collect some stuff that we could sell it. I was lonely in my bedroom, I have no friends, and I have no one could play with. I’m really bored.  A couple of minutes, my mum Niamey,  was already came back home. She got a lot of things in her bag, she brought me a flashlight. I hold the flashlight and turn on it, it was lightening like a bright  twinkling little star in the sky. She also brought a things from her bag, it’s interesting because it has two circle around it and It’s recording something like a children laughing and giggling.

I tried to get it but, my mum warned me that thing is dangerous and I need to sleep right now because it’s night time. I was really mad because my mum not allowed me to touch the fragile thing and she said, I’m not allowed to go outside with her because it’s dangerous. Now I’m in my bed and have to fall asleep. The Next Morning, I woke up so early, I check the clock it was 4:00 o'clock Am, and my mum is still sleeping. Ohh, I know, I will get the thing, I listen to the sound that was already record on the fragile thing. I can hear the Cheerful sound of the children playing, so I thought I can played outside by myself, without my Mum.

I wear the mask oxygen, so I can breath outside.

Later, Niamey, Rony’s mum is awake. “Get up lazy boy, time to wake up”, said Niamey, then, she put a water in the glass for Ronny to drink. But when Niamey check Rony in Rony’s bedroom, but Rony wasn’t there and the fragile thing that she found wasn’t there also,”Oh my god, it can’t be possible!”, Niamey said when she start panicking. She grabbed the extra oxygen container and rushed outside. I was outside, I can see the dirty air, and the house that ruined by the bad people and  the environment was also ruined. I stop, I can hear the soft tweeting bird from the sky, and I think I could record it in the the recorder fragile thing.

I can feel the dirty air through my skin, and I just continue walking until I can see, the river that doesn’t have any water. It filled with old fragile things, and the side of it there was a old dirty car, I walked through it, Suddenly, I can hear a bell noise coming from an old ruined school. Niamey was running with panic, in the middle of the dirty air, toward the city, to find Rony. I enter to the school gate, I can see a small playground in the front of the room’s, and in the edge of it, there was a run about rides.I come closer with it, I moved the hand of the ride, to check if it’s still working, “Yeah it is”, I said to myself joyfully, it was still working.

I sit to it, and put the old recorder on my side, and swing around the run about rides.I stop the ride “Huh?”, I was confuse, I could see a two children. without wearing an oxygen, I was shock…, I think they can breath in the air, I tried to take the mask off, but I remembered that, when I take off the oxygen mask I would be probably die. So I didn’t take it off.  

Next, Niamey was still finding Rony, her son until, she reached the city, she’s very worried about Rony. Rony stand up and come closer to the two ghost, he can see that the girl ghost has paper air plane to her hand, and she threw it away in the air.

It goes round and round, to the playground, it also past in Rony’s front, Rony trying to catch it, but it too higher to catch it, the paper airplane come and landed, in the front of the broken window. I turned around, and the two ghost was whispering to each other, and I think, they are talking on something, I really want to take off the protecting thing in my face, but I can’t.

Niamey have been running and finding Rony, in a couple of minutes, she stop, Niamey was very tired and felt like running out of breath.  

Rony was stubborn kid, so he ,first, take off the protecting thing in his eye, and drop it into the ground, the two ghost was looking to Rony.

Niamey past, the ruined river, where Rony has already past, Niamey was so nearly in the school, but it’s too late, Rony take off his mask oxygen and take a little breath.

His broken one foot has healed.

And, Suddenly a golden liquid magic power from Rony has also healed the environment, he looked in his around, the gold liquid magic power has turned the environment back into normal and also the whole town. It got turned back into a colourful place and pleasant place, the two ghost has also back into normal, it turned them into a human.

I was very shock after I take of my mask oxygen, it was just like a nightmare, and now it was so beautiful, “do you want to play with us?”, ask the two human, I smile and rush to get the paper air plane to the window, I realised it was just an imagine, everything did not back in normal. I was already die, I’m  lying in the ground.

As Niamey has arrived to the school, she enter the gate and she was very shock, she can see Rony was lying down in the ground, she can see I already take off my protecting thing to me like the oxygen mask, and the protect mask in my eye.

“Oh no Rony”, she cried, her tears sorrow in her face.

The only thing that Rony left is the recorder fragile thing…

                                                             The End…….

I hope you guys enjoy this writing!, Bye guys, have a good day!